1. If you are paralyzed from the waist down, you just need to see a kid being attacked by a murderer and you will be able to get up and save him.

2. If you have bulimia, it is probably because two men love you at the same time. Just tell the two of them you only want to be friends and your bulimia will go away.

3. It is always easy to get a parking place near the beach.

4. Male lifeguards always put a shirt on when they leave the beach. Female lifeguards don’t need to bother.

5. If you meet a beautiful but troubled girl, she is probably either a diamond smuggler or suffering from a split personality disorder. Do not accept her invitation to dinner.

6. Dick van Patten, though a senior citizen, can be surprisingly hard to quell in a fistfight.

7. If people are dying mysteriously in the water, it is probably because a giant electric eel has escaped from a nearby aquarium.

8. Girls who are thinking about abandoning their baby should just leave it on the beach. Chances are, a nice lifeguard will take it home, adopt it, and raise it as his own.

9. It is very easy to outswim a shark.

10. Wild seals make adorable and easily trained pets.

© The Princess Diaries: Third time Lucky